The truth is, I often feel like I am living in a void. I understand that this seems a strange thing to say. It wasn’t always the case. In the first year or two it wasn’t too bad. There were bad days then pretty good ones. Later things changed.
My Changing Situation
It is worth pointing out that things changed after my first Covid Jab. I wrote about my experience of the vaccine at the time in the post First Covid-19 Jab Done and then later about the side effects that followed in the post Covid Vaccine Astounding spoonie experience. As I have still not got back to the base level I was at before this first vaccine, I have booked an appointment with my Doctor to talk about the inclusion of an ME diagnosis alongside the Fibromyalgia. I have done the research and found a medical article that confirms that ME can be triggered by vaccines.
The Results of the Change?
Earlier, when I was dealing with “just” the Fibro, alongside the base pain and various other symptoms, I experienced low energy levels and had to learn to pace myself. I understood that I had a faulty battery in my system. Things that should only need a 10% charge in a healthy individual, for instance taking a shower, could easily take 50% of my day’s allocation.
My battery now, not only underperforms but doesn’t charge properly either. My full battery is now maybe 60% of what it was before the vaccine (but when I already had Fibromyalgia)
So why a Void?
It may not be the best choice of noun, I mean a completely empty space is a strange way to describe life. But in many ways it can feel like this.
As someone who enjoys playing with Apps and exploring the world of Productivity and PKM (Personal Knowledge Management). My Calendar and Task List is somewhat empty. If I arrange to see a doctor the appointment goes in it. The job of filling up the weeks pill boxes needs to be done every six days, so that is there. Other than Birthday reminders that is about it.
Why so empty?
The simple fact is that more than ever my symptoms seem so unstable that there is no point trying to use a Calendar or task management system in the traditional way. Back three or four years ago I could plan my time and rearrange if I have a bad flare. Now I have a list of things I would like to do it I feel able. There are no due dates. The nearest thing I have is in my blog planning where I use a Do Date, but this is only applied to one post at once and can easily be changed.
An Emotional Void
In the early days of my Fibro journey I wrote the post Living Life Married Without Children in a World Full of Parents, at that point I pointed out that it was unlikely we would be able to have children due to my health. Now it is safe to say there are well and truly nails in that coffin. Seven years later it still sits heavily. We are hoping to get a dog to help fill that void but we are reliant on both the law to be passed that means Landlords have to allow pets and also the necessary finances.
The Get up and go is somewhat reluctant to go anywhere
Finally, I have to confess that although I still love: blogging, genealogy, card making, diamond painting, PKM and many other things – when my health lets me pursue them. There is that little voice that niggles at times – why do it? I have no one to leave my family history research to. It seems to be harder to sell Greetings Cards these days. What is the ultimate goal?
Maybe it is nothing to do with with Fibro or ME?
As I am a woman of a certain age, there is something else to consider, certainly for the last two points. I am going through Perimenopause and quite likely having a little bit of a mid life crisis. I read an article in Healthline about Midlife Crisis in Women and it was an interesting read. I have been craving being out in nature recently, which is one of their suggestions to help overcome this.
Of course, the Fibro and Me gets involved again when it comes to taking productive steps to overcome this level malaise.
Are you going through a similar experience? Have you developed ME after a Fibromyalgia diagnosis. Is Perimenopause or a midlife crisis affecting you? If so I would love to know what is working for you. We can never have too many tips.
Until next time,
Gentle Hugs,
Susan
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