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When Everything Collides

2023 has been a difficult year. I’m not sure how much of it can be put down to Fibromyalgia either. If I’m honest I don’t know if there will be anything in this post to help or inspire you. But as you are kind enough to read my posts I thought it was probably time for, if nothing else, story time, to talk about life when everything collides.

When I look back through my monthly notes on Obsidian, (over on a sister blog I talk about Personal Knowledge management for spoonies and introduce Obsidian). I can see that the year didn’t start out particularly well. Often January and February are hard because they are the coldest months (here in the UK) and all the Christmas trimmings have been removed so there is a sense of bleakness in the house as well.

In March and April things seemed to improve and life got back to nearly as good as it can be when living with a chronic illness. (It has never got back as good as it was pre the Covid vaccine, but as good as it has been since then).

I was actually feeling really optimistic as we entered May. I was a bit fixated on some projects like the redesign of this blog and my energy level held up well. In the post Fibromyalgia and Autism I talk about hyper fixation. I was getting by on less sleep than I should have been, so I guessed there may be some push back from my body at some point.

In May things changed, I talked about that in the post A very fortunate fall, ultimately they got even worse when my Dad passed away on the 25th of the Month. I discussed my experience of this in the post Dealing with Loss.

I thought by September things seemed to be improving. Then another element kicked in, perimenopause symptoms. Not the first symptoms, I think they began a couple of years ago. But more obvious symptoms other than the odd missing visitor. Frustratingly some of the symptoms overlap with Fibromyalgia ones so it was basically a double dose.

By the time we got into October and then November I think I was probably in some level of Depression. I have talked about the relationship between Fibromyalgia and Depression before. I have always been reluctant to say I have suffered from it because I can watch something on TV, play a simple game on my iPad or read a book and loose myself in it happily.

It always seemed contrary that you could have depression and feel happy. Then I realised that whenever I wasn’t being distracted by something my mood was low, any sort of ambition or sense of having abilities seemed to have faded and even personal care was easily forgotten. I didn’t need to see a Doctor to know these were symptoms of Depression.

Now here we are at the end of November and I find myself looking forward to Christmas whilst missing my Dad who I got my love of Christmas from (although it is the Dad of 30+ years ago I am missing, I need to remind myself of).

So, now there is a strange mixture of feeling the thunk to be starting to lift, whilst being jabbed with moments of happy memories and sadness as I move into Christmas preparations. Meanwhile, also shaking my head in disbelief wondering where 2023 has gone.

I don’t know about fellow Northern Hemisphere spoonies, but I think I will enjoy seeing in the New Year but in terms of blogging and life planning in general, I sort of treat the first of March as my New Year. It makes sense to work with the seasons and coming back to life as nature begins to blossom. I need to not be afraid of the low energy hibernation that the winter temperature can create.

Have you had an experience when everything seems to collide at once and you don’t know what is to do with a chronic illness and what is just life? I’d love to hear how you got yourself out of it.

Until next time,
Gentle Hugs,
Susan

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